These days, especially in the city... most people don't look at each other. In it's own quiet way, it can be one of the most aggressive ways to dismiss another person. Choosing not to see someone. If you have noticed a bit of a disconnect and or life moving at a pace where direct eye-contact seems to be non-existent, you may want to explore a practice called eye gazing, often referenced by the Sufi Poet, Rumi.
According to Will Johnson, author of Spiritual Practices of Rumi, it's "like iron filings being drawn to a powerful magnetic source, we experience ourselves as being ineluctably drawn closer to a shared feeling of union, relatedness, and love. Where formerly we were two separate beings, we join together through the practice and become something that neither of us could quite be on our own. When hydrogen comes into the presence of oxygen, suddenly there's water..."
Likewise, through such a meeting, two people lose their sense of separateness and drown together in the waters of love and union.
I first tried eye gazing at the Sukhava Bodhe Yoga & Music Festival at the Stonehouse Farm Retreat over the summer. It was the near the end of one of the workshops and I was paired with a man next to me. Unsure about what to expect, we sat across from each other in crossed-leg, easy pose and gently began to gaze in each other's eyes for the next 5 min or so. I settled into my gaze, and as I began to focus less and less on any one particular aspect of his face or eyes, it's as though I began to melt into a space within his eyes.
Towards the end of the practice, I felt a letting go, and it was at this moment that I began to tear up.
I tried to hold it in. I mean this was a stranger, so why would I be crying? I was overcome by a feeling of connected-ness and a sense of compassion, knowing nothing about this person other than the experience of two human souls acknowledging each other. Initially I thought that trying this with a stranger would create a more closed experience, however the exact opposite was true. Because I had no preconcieved notions or back story with this man, I was able to maintain a neutral space of openess and curiosity.
It is said, that when eye gazing with someone that you have a past with, that many types of emotions can emerge. One can feel uncomfort or raw emotions, but the act of sitting with it and allowing it to pass is healing, so for some it can be an interesting check for a relationship to see if anything comes up. Naturally, I wanted to try this at home with my husband. We decided to try it once or twice a week for several weeks to see what would happen.
Now that it was going to be with someone that I knew deeply... what would I feel or experience?
Our first time, we locked eyes and I felt a vulnerability from being so fully seen and acknowledged. I was giggly and remember the time going by so fast that we had to keep turning the timer back on. We held hands as we gazed and it just felt really nice, it was almost as if our eyes were smiling even though our faces were still. Trying it again, a second time...we couldn't stop laughing! I would see just a slight twitch in the corner of his mouth and we both would end up belly laughing. We've practiced it several times and each time seems to bring a new experience. The last time we gazed, I remember thinking my husband's face had such an innocence and sweetness as he looked at me. For us, it is a fun activity that connects us in a way that normal day-to-day life doesn't typically offer and we definitely plan to continue exploring it.
{ Fun Fact: There are actually speed dating events that start off with a few minutes of eye gazing }
So are you curious about trying it? Below are a few tips to help if it's your first time.
Eye Gazing Exercise
- Set a timer for 5-10 min.
- Take a few deep breaths to center.
- Begin by gently looking at your friend’s left eye only.
- Then move your gaze to the other eye.
- When that feels comfortable, gaze into both eyes.
- Breathe naturally and relax your gaze gently on your partner. No staring :)
- Share your thoughts and reflect on the experience afterwards.
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